reheals:

in this generation, you can’t tell if someone is 13 or 18

51,051 notes
woodmeat:


chevy-raised-jack-daniels-fed:

merrymaudlin:

mercurykiss:

thugburrito:

My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%

NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORYSo a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.

I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..

What’s next pizza delivery hitmen

included in this order for a large ground beef is a dossier containing information on your target. he is to be neutralized before delivery. do not let him reach the airport. no pepperoni.

woodmeat:

chevy-raised-jack-daniels-fed:

merrymaudlin:

mercurykiss:

thugburrito:

My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%

NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.

It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.

An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.

So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.

My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.

I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..

What’s next pizza delivery hitmen

included in this order for a large ground beef is a dossier containing information on your target. he is to be neutralized before delivery. do not let him reach the airport. no pepperoni.

409,810 notes
131,347 notes
438,105 notes

iswearimnotnaked:

when i was 9 i wrote a love letter to cole sprouse and closed my eyes and threw it out the car window thinking it’d magically find him and wow i did not understand the united states postal system 

234,545 notes

crunchier:

mom: so hun i was in your room

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and i accidentally started going through your stuff

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and i found your phone

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it was unlocked so i went through your messages too, who’s alex? is that your boyfriend? you can totally talk to me about crushes and boys!!!

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34,395 notes

fuckinq:

my brain has too many tabs open

158,508 notes
penis-hilton:


me @ your weak ass anon hate

penis-hilton:

me @ your weak ass anon hate

(Source: dalmins)

614,764 notes

thrashturbate:

cynical-bee:

thrashturbate:

I’ll bet you’d look adorable grasping at the sheets on my bed

no matter how many times u compliment me im not making ur bed

this has to be one of the best responses I’ve gotten to this text post

343,102 notes

hella-misery-taco:

superbuffalo007:

hella-misery-taco:

unsuccessfulmetalbenders:

ctrayn:

unsuccessfulmetalbenders:

i am so tired of seeing all of these relatable text posts pasted onto tv show screencaps i need summer to end so some of you dont have the free time to be doing stuff like this anymore

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nobody is ever going to love you

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GEE, I WONDER WHAT SCREENCAP THIS COMMENT IS GOING TO BE ON

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140,896 notes